Respectful Communication

Respect, in essence, refers to a belief in the value and potential of the other person. Caring and respectful communication is demonstrated through genuineness, warmth and empathy. Respect is communicated more by attitude than by specific response. The respect the care provider shows for the client/colleague will enable him to share his concerns more openly and easily. In communicating respect, the care provider is saying, in effect, "I believe in your ability to deal constructively with your problem."

Often, care providers show more respect by what they DO NOT DO, rather than by what they do. For example, care providers do not glibly give advice. By avoiding this, and by encouraging the client/colleague to formulate and try out possible plans of action, care providers convey that they believe the client/colleague has the ability to create and carry out his own solutions. In this way, care providers communicate that they value the INTEGRITY of the client/colleague.

Respect is rarely found alone in communication. It is usually found in responses that convey empathy, warmth, and genuineness.

Empathy is the most critical element in a helping situation and is the backbone of the responding skills. Empathy is the ability to understand the ideas and feelings of another person. The ability to perceive the clients/colleagues world from their internal frame of reference involves placing yourself in this internal frame of reference without losing your own identity or objectivity. When you empathize with a client/ colleague, you do not need to feel the same feelings that the person is experiencing, rather, you need to communicate to the client/colleague an awareness and appreciation of their emotions. This means accepting your client/colleague's feelings and experiences as real for them.

Empathy requires not only being sensitive to others but also having the ability to demonstrate this sensitivity.

Empathy - Who's Got it, Who Does Not

It is virtually impossible not to make judgments about others; however, it is possible not to act on them. As a care provider, you must respond without distorting, judging, or evaluating the client/colleague's responses. In this way, you become a kind of emotional mirror reflecting the client/colleague’s inner world. This reflecting leads to self-exploration. As Rogers (1980) states, "If I can listen to what he tells me, if I can understand how it seems to him, if I can sense the emotional flavor which it has for him, then I will be releasing potent forces of change within him" (p.10). By using empathy, the care provider can enable the clients/colleagues to see themselves and their situation more clearly. Empathy then enables the client/colleague to feel understood. As a care provider who is skillful with empathy, you are able to stand in the shoes of another. You can see and hear how the clients/colleagues feel and think, and are able to show the client/colleague that you understand their feelings and situations; being empathic means that you can do this with a minimum of guesswork and without interpretation.

Empathy is an internal process involving two skills: listening and responding. By listening, you gain a full and accurate understanding of the client’s/colleague’s feelings and the situations that surround the issue that they are presenting. Developing this understanding of feelings and situations however, is not enough. As a care provider, you must also demonstrate your understanding by responding in such a way that communicates this understanding to the client/colleague. A crucial element in this process is an ability to refrain from acting on any judgments that you might make about the person you are trying to help.

Before going further, it is important to point out what empathy is not. Watch the following RSA animation on the Power of Empathy:

The distinction is that empathy seeks to understand a client/colleague's inner world; sympathy involves "feeling for" the client/colleague. Sympathetic responses usually seek to reassure the client/colleague, whereas the purpose of an empathetic response is to show acceptance of the client/colleague. Perhaps the clearest distinction is that: EMPATHY SEEKS TO COMPREHEND; SYMPATHY SEEKS TO CONSOLE OR REASSURE.

Empathy is a learnable skill. To learn empathy, you must first understand the concept of empathy, then you must practice empathy, and then evaluate how well you demonstrate empathy.

      Please complete the following activity:

Exercise 4.1 - Empathic Response

Communicating in caring and respectful way is a learnable skill. Empathy is not something you are born with. You can develop your ability to be empathic by engaging in experiences that challenge you to use these skills. Empathy, however, is not merely a behavioral skill; it is based on an attitude of caring and concern for others. No genuine empathy can occur in the absence of caring

An interesting talk on the importance of empathy: